“You Will Be The Worst Writer”

7-11-12 Dr. French's Office 003

It’s been somewhere near a year since I started this blog. Today while browsing my spam I came across something that I think may be my first real (non-spam) comment – even though it was relegated to the spam file by some excellent software.

Here it is:

“You will be the worst writer”

The comment led back to a website selling drugs, including testosterone supplements for men.

Hmmm. Maybe there’s insight to this.

At any rate, thank you for your comment. It’s high time I got one!

You’re not alone in thinking that I’ll be a hack, perhaps even the worst hack writer, although taking the absolute bottom or top seat on a roster seems arrogant to those of us devoted to mediocrity.

But all kidding aside, I have two readers (of my fiction, that is. I have one and maybe slightly more than one reader of this blog. It’s difficult to be sure.)

Those two readers of my fiction are, not necessarily in any order:  my wife and my daughter.

Now before you start saying that they couldn’t possibly be objective, and I shouldn’t get a swelled head over their kudos, let me stop you. They don’t like my stuff. Polite? Yes, they are. Encouraging or supportive, they’re not.

My wife likes my non-fiction prose, though. That means a lot.

She finds my fiction a chore.

A few days ago I conned her into reading this blog and she chuckled encouragingly as she read.

A few weeks ago I asked her to check out the website where I’m working on my story, and she said something to this effect: “It doesn’t seem like a story anymore. I’ve never read anything written like this, so I don’t know what to compare it to.” Admittedly, it was an experimental version in which I was pretending that the protagonist is a real person who has a website and is recording her every move as it takes place. And yes, my wife was a good deal less negative – even positive, as I recall – when she read the more traditional version of the story nearly a year ago.

And I should point out that she only read as much of the latest version as she could stand, which wasn’t very much unless she’s a closet speed-reader which I doubt.

My daughter loves me dearly and would never want to hurt my feelings, so she pretends she’s forgotten to read the stuff I’ve sent her. She’s really a sweet girl. It’s too bad everyone can’t meet her and have a friend of her caliber.

So why am I bringing this up?

Partly because I think it’s humorous and I’ll do anything to get a laugh. (Just ask my daughter.) But mostly because of this…

If I can write fiction without getting discouraged and giving up, so can you!

You? You should never give up!

Never, never, never give up!

The world needs to hear what you have to say, trust me on that.

When you get discouraged, don’t give up! Don’t even let up.

Bottom line: Neither you nor I could tolerate someone like YOU giving up. You have real talent.

Me, I mostly have desire and a mind for over-analyzing things to exhaustion. But even my gifts are plenty to work with, because, like you, I’ve got something to say.

Content.

So please, get back to writing your story, already. This is enough web surfing for today. Don’t you think?

M. Talmage Moorehead

Wow, how times change. I’ve got some readers now, thank God!

My current in-progress version of Johanna’s novel (written by my protagonist from another universe) is a lot like the experimental thing she and I were doing back when I wrote this post.

If you’re interested in intelligent design, weird artifacts, genetics and psychology from the perspective of a nineteen-year-old “Hapa Girl,” it may be a fun read. The protagonist is a genius geneticist with a younger brother who struggles with depression, though you wouldn’t know it to meet him. Her evolving story starts here.

It’s an experiment called, Hapa Girl DNA, and is a hybrid itself – a tightrope crossing of fiction and non-fiction. “Hapa” is the Hawaiian term for “half.” Johanna is half Japanese and half Jewish. In writing her novel, she and I ignore some important fiction-writing rules, partly because we like to test dogmas, and partly because it’s fun to try new things.

But the “rules” are essential knowledge to anyone crazy enough to either break them or follow them mindlessly.

So you could download my e-book on fiction writing, the second to last chapter of which gives my current opinions on many of the dogmatic rules of fiction writing. Downloading that 10,000 word file will place you on my short list of people who will be politely notified when my traditional novel is done – possibly before the next ice age. (No spam or sharing of your info. I haven’t sent an email to my list yet. It’s been over a year.)

Next time you’re writing emails, if you think of it, please tell your best and hopefully weirdest friend about my blog (www.storiform.com). Thanks. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Talmage

6 thoughts on ““You Will Be The Worst Writer”

  1. Just for the fun and for the love of it? Great advice! I’ll take it. Thank you!

    Writing is the most fun I’ve had since I quit playing basketball (with the ancients) and took up skateboarding with my son. That was 15 years ago. I’ve broken no ribs writing. Broke 7 and 8 posteriorly near the spine on an attempted drop-in at Vans, a skate park with concrete swimming-pool like offerings. The sign said, “Advanced.” Maybe I should have taken that word seriously, but then I wouldn’t have an X-ray of two broken ribs to brag about now.

    Same with writing, maybe. Frame the rejection letters and brag about them. Maybe I’ll get my wife to fold them into little origami dragons. She knows how.

    Thanks again for the encouragement and for saying I write with empathy. I would have called it verbosity, but hey! You’re so kind.

    • Wooo Hoooooo!!! Thank you so much for saying that! Thank you for being the first person to write a positive comment to me (or any comment that didn’t land in my spam filter)!

      And you – you’re an actual AUTHOR of a book: “I Queen of Everything” Empower your life step-by-step !!! That means your opinion carries force, and matters in the real world.

      So maybe I actually can become an author when I grow up. Wheeee!

      OK, I gotta settle down now and start writing. Deep breaths.

      There’s nothing like hope. Thank you for that gift today!

      • You are very empathetic in the way you express yourself and that my friend is a gift. I am sure that you have in you to write a great story or anything that you may want to write about. Just do it for the fun of it, for the love of it, just do it! You have nothing to lose and who know what might happen…
        I sent my manuscript to Publish America and it happen! So go for it!

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